Good evening guys and gals. Once again it is time for another installment of my daily rant.

A new day dawns and wanes and I find myself settling in for my daily blog. Moving my usual location to the dining room nook I throw the curtains open, pour a fresh cup of coffee, light a cigarette and throw on Charlotte Church Voice Of An Angel into WinAmp and begin typing while occasionally looking out across the Las Vegas City Night.
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Ladies.... Rob Hates you all!!!!

Needing a break and needing to get out of the house for a few hours I called in a day nurse to watch over my charge. Being a half hour late she kicked off my day of woman hating!!! Needing companionship I call on a lady friend that I occasionally spend time with. We arrange to meet at the local coffee shop. I throw on some go out clothes and head to the coffee shop. I arrive before my lady of the day so I go into the coffee shop and order from another occasional companion. With a smile I pass on my order to her. I comment on how nice she looks today, which brings on a smile of her own. She takes note like all women do taking in everything and missing no detail no matter how small. She asks if I was expecting someone due to the double order. Without thinking I start telling her about needing company and calling on a lady friend. This sets off what I can only describe as a tangent. Did I mention that this coffee shop woman is just a casual friend? All of a sudden I am a bastard! All of a sudden I only call when I need something. All of a sudden I am very aware that I am standing in a whole room of women! And I am not their favorite person in the world, far from it. My coffee is finally done and I make a hasty retreat out to the patio to await the person I came here to meet. Well after an hour and after many dirty looks from patrons leaving the shop for their mornings business my "date" arrives all dolled up like we are going dancing. Looking quite delicious actually. I temporarily forget what had just happened to me earlier in the morning while ordering. More patrons depart now talking under their breath. Something about "bastard" and "dick" and "ASS".

My date asks me what that was all about and before I could even consider an answer she slams me with the question that all men will gnaw off their own arm to avoid. "Does this dress make my butt look big?" OK so now my mind is going in so many directions my mouth engages before my brain has time to process the horrible set of events that were in motion. I answer so matter of fact'ly... "No bigger than it usually does!" I reply... Right away my brain goes into meltdown racing for something to say that will make this huge problem go away. The world spins, time stops and suddenly it seems like all the eyes of the world are on me and all the ears of the world can hear me. I state! "I like big butts!" so calmly and so naturally that for a short moment she freezes up and doesn't quite know how to respond or feel about it.

Now this is what really makes me hate you women.... She only took about 1 minute to process all that happened where as I was still trying to stop my head from reeling. And what happened next.... OMG!

She asks with the most serious look in her face "So my butt is big?" And states "I thought you would think I look good in this dress!"

I am floored! Can't imagine how she came to that conclusion. You women have a gift for picking out specific words and inventing the most worst case scenario! I reply... "Your butt is not huge!" "It's nice!" "Round!" Then I ask.... "How do you figure I don't think you look good in that dress?" "I think you look simply delicious!"

She explains, now very irate. "You said "no bigger than it usually does!"" then actually admitted you think my butt is big by saying that you like big butts!

Now, I must say, I really didn't think before I spit out the evil words I emitted. But I never intended for her to take it so horribly. Honestly, for any of you who know me, I do not date plain girls! And this woman is one of the prettiest women I ever went out with! Anyway...

The coffee shop girl comes out of the shop, seeing the woman I am with in severe and dire distress and shit really hits the fan. Reminder: I am not serious with either of these two women. In fact  

First off! They start at each other... "Bitch" this and "slut" that. I heard stuff I haven't heard since my sordid high school life. I even caught a "my boyfriend" emanate from both of them during their very loud and vigorous 15 minute conversation.

OK, now if you know what kind of woman I date you also know I am not the smartest person in the world when it comes to keeping myself safely out of the line of fire. And dumb ass me! I start losing myself in the spectacle that was going on in front of me and amazingly I started finding it totally sexy! Two most excellent women were about to rip each other to shreds! I imagined clumps of hair flying, scratching, rolling around on the ground, crotch shots and bared breasts. Instead my most excellent fantasy came to the sudden realization that everything in the world just went quiet. Time once again stood still and the eyes and ears of the world were again firmly focused on me. Two women stared at me with a look that I can only describe as astonished, anticipated, shock accompanied with a healthy helping of fury, rage and hatred. I am betting that I turned white with terror. It seriously felt like all the blood had drained out of my face.

What and the hell was I supposed to do? I think both had expected me to come to their rescue or defense. Well I couldn't think of a damn thing to say. All my wisdom and all my intelligence and all my life's experience had never prepared me for this. So this is what manages to escape my mouth directly from my warped conscience to my mouth and into the planets atmosphere.... "This is so cool!"

Quote From I am not sure who.: Hell hath no fury like a woman's!

They both, simultaneously lit into me. I flashed back to another emanation in my karmic existence to another life when I was a canine like creature running for my life from a pack of hunting lions with my tail between my legs. A honest and true whimper escaped from my lips. I broke out into a cold sweat. Then sat there and endure the cutting words, threats of withholding the vision of them, scathing criticism. Then the beating came, for what seemed like hours that was actually only minutes. When the dust settled both stomped off in 

When the coast was clear I got in my car and left.

After that fiasco, remember all I waned was to enjoy some time out of my house with a lady friend, I needed to go walk it off to think of how I can repair what has been torn asunder. I decided to go to the mall to walk.

Quote I Just Thought Of: Is every woman in the world on their period today?

Quote From At The Tone The Time Was: 10:30am'ish

I park my car and start making my way to the mall entrance. On the way in I spot a pretty woman walking out. Like a gentleman I open the door for her, smile and say hi. Like the pig I am by nature I look at her butt as she pass and walks away. Would you know it, she was well versed in the species of man and turned around and cold busted me. After a thankfully brief verbal reprimand that consisted of a few more "Pigs" and "Ass's" and "Dick's". What a total horror this day is turning out to be. Once inside the mall I take a good survey of my surroundings and notice that 95% of the patrons were women. I tucked tail and left! I didn't need anymore female issues today.

The rest of my day was pretty much the same. At lunch I tried to be nice to the woman behind the counter only to be accused of hitting on her. While filling gas the woman on the other side of the pump spots me looking at her and flips me off. Even got cursed out at a red light by the woman in the next car. There has to be a safe place I can go where women will just ignore me and leave me alone!

I go to the library... OMG More vicious women! No one respects the Quiet sign anymore. I tried a movie and wouldn't you know it. In an empty theatre a woman sits next to me and gave me glaring looks every five minutes.

Quote From Again not sure where I heard this: Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it.

How many times did I wish I was the only man on a deserted island with 1000 beautiful, shapely women. HA! Today I was that man, today my dreams came true, I should have specified that those women in my fantasy all worshiped me not hated me like I impregnated their teen daughters and humped their cat.

It is now 3:30pm so I had to start thinking of heading home. The nurses time was going to be up in about an hour. I stop to eat dinner and grab something to bring home for her dinner. I go to a Denny's, you figure... Family restaurant, peaceful relaxing environment! Yeah right... When the universe hates me it really hates me.

A waitress who wasn't even mine drops her pen. I am just minding my own business trying not to make eye contact with any woman and drawing attention to myself. She bends over to pick it up and despite my nature I don't look at the magnificent butt practically on my lap. I continue focusing on everything and nothing, anything not to offend the women. I feel my had slip between her butt cheeks! OMG she bent over right on to it while I was just grasping on the side of the table. She cusses and turns around to see who dare feel her up in her place of work takes one look at me with very light signs of scratches and a face that is a little red from being slapped earlier. She glares at me then wham! Slaps me right across 

the face. OMFG! That was it The perfect cap to a totally awful day of cruel, mean women.

Now, again, not the smartest person in the world when it comes to self preservation. I had a smirk on my face cause after all getting a free feel then a crisp slap across the face was HOT! LMAO I am such a jackass!

Oh yea! Later in the evening a friend from the internet sends me a picture of a female co-worker saying "A girl that works with me" and without even thinking I just typed out "you can't fool me that's not a girl that's a 30ish lady!" OMG I am just going to quit while I am ahead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well that's my day in a nutshell! Not one for the record books!

Quote Of The Day: The Universe hates me and all the bad karma from every life I ever lived chose today to call even.

Have a pleasant evening, see you tomorrow!

XXXOOO

Rob

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