Wednesday, March 25, 2009, 6:29 PM |
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Time for the 5th edition of my running rant.
I think I will forgo the part where I describe my atmosphere and skip to
the good stuff. I will just describe my mood. Since the eventful day I
had yesterday I had a chance to think things over and I am a bit miffed
at how things happened. How tight is the balance of how things can go
when such a innocent intent such as I had yesterday could turn in to the
day I had. What a royal mess it was. Quote From Rob: Life is so unfair. WARNING!!!: For those of you that are dear to me to whom I am dear to..... Stop reading now or you WILL learn stuff about me that you wish you never knew!!!! Warning: Some of you are going to accuse me of gay bashing and some of the terms are really going to sound homophobic. I do not have a problem with homosexuality! I am comfortable with my sexual orientation! I am also comfortable with yours! Don't take any of the content or terms out of context! Ever notice how severely wrong the double standard is in our society? In this rant I am going to display a series of comparisons between male and female events. It is a bit vulgar and sexually suggestive but I can't think of any better way to bring to light the injustices of the double standards. So if you are a young-un now would be a good time to click the home button on your web browser and leave this page. A pretty girl crying inspires the empathy in other humans. We get the urge to comfort. A Ugly girl crying still inspires empathy in others. A Big ugly burly man crying automatically makes people think "Come one you big sissy pull it together" |
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---------------- A woman goes into a store and buys her man flowers makes the person at the register think "That is so sweet, she bought her man flowers. The man who receives the flowers feels uncomfortable cause, like, um, do you know how many cans of motor oil I could have bought for my ford truck with what it cost you for those flowers. A man goes into a store and buys his woman some flowers and everyone thinks he is trying to get some. ---------------- Woman who buys her man underwear is "taking care of her man" and is considered sweet. A man buys his woman delicates makes people automatically think... 1. He wants to see his woman in that skimpy
butt floss. 2. He is just trying to dress her up sexy so
she feels sexy and gives him some. 3. He is buying it for himself. ---------------- Oh Oh Oh! A woman in men's brief..... Kinda sexy A Man in woman's delicates...... Definitely disturbing! ---------------- Two women on spring break freaking on the dance floor.... Totally hot! |
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Two men freaking on the dance floor.... Oddly brings to mind sword fighting. ---------------- Woman slaps me across the face.... 1. I deserved it. 2. Totally hot! 3. I deserved it and it was totally hot! Man slaps me.... Flaming gay! ---------------- Woman putting on her mans shirts and smelling his scent.... Kinda sexy! Man putting on his womans dresses.... Freaky! ---------------- Woman running down a street naked.... Usually being chased by a crowd! Naked man running down the street.... Usually parting a crowd! ---------------- Woman walking around the apartment in her undies.... Sexy! Man walking around the apartment in his underwear.... Normal! ---------------- |
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While in bed you ask a woman what she's thinking..... WARNING!!!: Men.... Don't try this at home!!!! 1. Did I turn off the stove? 2. Did I Lock the doors? 3. What am I going to wear to work tomorrow? 4. Does this blanket bring out the color of my eyes? 5. Does the color of these sheets make my skin look too pale? 6. Is my ass too big? 7. Is my boobs too small? 8. Should I get a tummy tuck? 9. Wonder who's on Oprah tommorrow? 10. Is it trash day tomorrow? 11. What color should I paint the bathroom? 12. Is dancing with the stars on tonight? 13. I need to get my daughter a new dress for dance. 14. Dog has a vet appointment on friday. 15. Is that a grey hair? 16. I wonder why they call it duck tape? 17. Did I take the chicken out? |
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18. Does he still find me as attractive as the first time we met? 19. I wonder what that squeek is that my car makes? 20. I love the smell of fresh baked bread! And on and on and on! Blah blah blah! While in bed you ask a man what he's thinking.... 1. If you could see in his mind you would see a picture of beavis and butt head sitting on their couch in front of the TV "Uh huh huh huh That was cool" "Yeah YEAH YEAH! It Rocked!" "IT ROCKED" 2. ....... Ladies.... We do not sit in reflection or have deep thoughts after sex! We just want you to lay silently for 5 more minutes so we can fall asleep. We don't want to cuddle cause all the physical excertion made both of us sweaty and sticky! We just want to go to sleep!!!!! Why can't we just sleep? Please just let me sleep! ---------------- Woman kissing another woman..... Definitely sexy!!!! Truly!!!! Man kissing another man... With out involving them being threatened at gun point.... Not sexy! ---------------- Women in restroom comparing and looking at each others boobs, comparing genitals..... Totally hot!!! Men that even peek at another man in a restroom..... Leaves with a black eye! ---------------- |
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Woman slaps another woman's ass... Coolest thing I ever seen!!! Man slaps another man in the ass, when a athletic event that he is actually participating in is not involved..... Leaves with the other eye blackened and is labeled a fag and shunned by the hetero's. At least while they are sober! After getting drunk you would be surprised How easily that closet door swings opens. ---------------- Girl with a thong triangle displayed over her pants waist band just below her tramp stamp.... Totally HOT!!! I SO SO SO Love it! A dude with a thong triangle displayed above his pants waist band just under his tweety bird tattoo.... Not Cool! ---------------- Hot chick taking a dump..... Still hot.... Hot chicks can not do anything bad! Any dude taking a dump..... Not hot.... ---------------- Chick peeing on a dude.... Not a bad experiment in the shower.... Chick peeing on another chick.... Better then a chick peeing on a dude.... Dude peeing on a chick.... Not cool dude! ---------------- A condom designed to slide over a penis is referred to a rubber. A condom designed as a barrier between a vagina and a mouth is referred to as a dental dam. A dude goes into a pharmacy to purchase a box of condoms... Never fails....
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Announced Over The Stores PA System: PRICE CHECK ON TROJAN, EXTRA SMALL CONDOMS - RIBBED FOR HER PLEASURE ON REGISTER 5! Woman buys condoms…… Very cool!!! Hot!!! She wants some!!! Whooooo Hooooo!!! A woman goes into a pharmacy to buy a dental dam this is how it goes down........ Whisper: I'm sorry Ma'am, I need a price check on this product. I will run to do it myself. When the clerk returns the clerk rings her out (Both male and female clerks) then politely smiles and says "Thank you, have a good day Ma'am". In their mind they are thinking has to be a lesbian cause a dude would never use a dental dam... I sure wish I could watch! ----------------------- A girl purchases KY Personal Lubricant and no matter what use it is intended for it is definitely hot!!! The longer you think about it the hotter the scenario gets! A guy purchases KY Personnel Lubricant and suddenly that friendly male clerk will not shake his hand. And OMG the female clerks get a disgusting look on their face and handle the product with two fingers while holding it as far from their body as they can. After all there is only two uses a male could have for KY and both are disgusting! Unless your the one that's doing it. LMAO!!!! ----------------------- Chick on the beach in board shorts.... hot Dude on a beach in board shorts.... Normal ----------------------- |
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Chick on a beach in a bikini..... HOT!!
----------------------- Chick on a beach in a clam hammock..... Erection inspiring!!!! Dude on a beach in a banana hammock.... Just plain gag inspiring!!!! ----------------------- Ugly or Homely Or Plain girl gets sex at will.... Ugly or Homely or Plain guy gets sex when paying for it.... Ugly or Homely or Plain and Poor guy gets no sex.... Broke ass chick gets sex at will.... Extremely ugly chick joins military and dominates as top Lesbian.... Extremely ugly guy commits suicide sexually frustrated, blind, with one arm noticeably bigger than the other. Extremely overweight women get sex.... Extremely overweight men who are very rich get oral sex if paid for.... Extremely overweight men are incapable of having conventional sex due to folds of fat.... Reference From Random Internet Site: Extremely Attractive Women Are 400 Times more Likely To Have A Ridiculous Amount Of Money Than A Extremely Attractive Man |
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Women can get sex Anytime they want.... Men can get sex anytime they want if... 1. They pay for it. 2. They are extremely good at begging. 3. Are a crack dealer. 4. Are a serial rapist. 5. Have a prescription for Ketamine. 6. Are a pimp. -------------------- Woman who is experimenting with homosexuality.... Draws a crowd! Man who is experimenting with homosexuality.... Must keep it a secret! -------------------- Women who buy their men gifts are thought of as being sweet, caring or thoughtful. No matter what guys.. If you buy something for your wife (except cooking and cleaning equipment) people think you are trying to get some. In some states even if doing something nice for your own sister it will inspire people think you are trying to get some. No matter what we are the villain!!! |
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We can get woken up at 3:00am on a Wednesday morning (an hour and a half before you got to go to work) to get your pregnant wife some chunky monkey ice cream, cheese wiz and dill pickles they will not think you are being sweet! Even though we forced ourselves to pee through a pee erection, even though it is winter and it is -15 out, even if we drove all the way across the city to the only store that sells all 3 items that is open at 3:00am. They will think you are doing it just to get your wife to stop nagging you. I know! I know! But that is only part of the reason you went. -------------------- Two women having a tender, romantic dinner together.... Totally hot! Two men having a tender dinner together.... Makes everyone male or female, gay or straight wonder who's catching. -------------------- They say men are dogs (the women)! Well have you ever known a man to accuse a woman of having the scent of another man on her? What the hell is that all about anyway? How the hell can you smell another woman on me? Wait a minute...... How do you know what another woman smells like? Hold the bus!!!!!! You been with another woman before!!!! OMFG!!!! Can I please please please watch next time!!! -------------------- Quote From Rob: The Trap!!!: Woman: Does this dress make my ass look big? ROB: Not really... Everything you put on makes your ass look big!!!! Your ass is just big!!! What the fuck is that all about anyway? OK on one hand.... You make me look at your butt (Not that I'm |
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complaining). On the other hand you will go out of your way to verbally assault a guy (Such as I) who looks at it and is just being a man. On the other hand (Ok.... How do you know I don't have three hands) you complain to me that I never look at you anymore. That's a mixed message if I ever heard one!!! How about this.... If you don't want guys to look at your fat ass then.... 1. Stop eating that double quarter pounder meal super sized, with a side of apple pie and a hot fudge sundae, and a ice mocha, and a triple thick shake... Oh yeah and a small diet coke! WTF?!? 2. Learn to walk without swaying your hips so wide that you knock people you walk past. Maybe they are just giving you dirty looks cause you nearly knocked them on their ass. 3. Stop wearing those krylon spray on jeans. Seriously, get clothes that fit decently. Ever stop to think they may just be staring at your ass in wonder, thinking "How and the hell did that woman get all that ass into those tiny jeans?". 4. For all you women with the perfect heart shaped bottoms neatly tucked into a really nice pair of jeans.... I'm begging you!!!! Please don't make me stop looking at your butt!!! --------------- Quote From Man Trap Part 2: Do you love me?: Men! Please be aware of this trap at all times! Do you love me? OMG how could such a seemingly simple question be so tricky? Do you love me? 1. Why did you hesitate?
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b. We are in the men's room at the urinal and there is two burly men standing next to us. 2. You didn't mean it! a. Yes I did. b. Yes I did bitch! If I could bring myself to say it to you while I am at the John between two burly dudes and despite the hesitating I meant it! c. You're right but you are the only piece of ass I got on my plate and I do not want to blow my chances of getting some tonight. Example: A woman says to her man, at the end of a phone conversation.... "I love you" Man hesitates cause she was very moody when he left her in the morning to come to work and is unsure of what the right answer is... Woman asks... "Why did you hesitate?" Now man is really reeling and searching his mind really hard for an answer to the two very volatile questions. Before he could figure it out.... Woman asks.... "Who's there with you?" and all of a sudden she says something that scares the living shit out of you.... She asks if the only woman that works in the building with you that you have the hots for is with you.... "Is Veronica there?" "She is isn't she?" "Oh My God Rob she is there!" "You're cheating on me!" "Boooo hoooo hoooo" I am going to cut your balls off when you come home" |
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Oh yeah! That's right.... She had determined and pieced together all that before you could even figure out the right reply to her original I love you! You are really fucked now! Now ladies... I do not claim to speak for every man, just for myself.... I like to look at pretty women and shapely bodies, especially butts!!! Not really sure why butts are so attractive to me but when ever I see a really nice one I just want to bite it. What was I going to say now.... Oh yea! I never go out cruising for ass, I never act on my urges! Well not since I was a teen! So you really don't have anything to worry about! If Angelina Jolie or Ashley Scott Whips out her whoohoo and shoves it in my face then you should worry that I MAY cheat on you. OK OK... I will cheat on you! In truth.... I have cheated on you a bunch of times with other women.... What? You don't remember? You were there bitch! That's right.... After we been together for a few years I started pretending I was with someone else! What are you complaining about? It has kept our bedroom relationship going! Never noticed that some days I came home from work a lot more pumped up than usual? Yeah like that night! The one where I could go for hours! The one that felt like the first few months we were together. HA!!! You thought it was all you! How sweet! Simply put. I don't think I would ever cheat on you. Sometimes I see a woman that makes me wish I was Brad Pitt and single! Just so you know.... You know how many women I been with.... You know I look at women every day.... There's been no more than 5 women in my life that ever made my heart start pounding just looking at her. Ashley can make my heart pound just looking at her picture!!!! You are probably not one of the 5!!!! Quote From Carlos Mencia: No you are not the most beautiful woman I want to be with. I am with you cause you are as good as I can get. And that's why you are with me, cause I am as good as you can get. I am ok with that! Don't think I am stupid either! I know you pretend I am someone else too!!! I am ok with that!
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---------------------- Quote From Not Sure: Men are dogs! Men treat women like meat! We already established the whole scent thing so I will not get back into that.... We chase women and screw every piece of ass that will give it up...... Damn straight! I want to tell you something that will probably shock you! I have slept with more women cause they approached me then women I approached. A lot more! A lot lot lot more!!! Like for every 1 woman I approached and slept with 6 women who approached me. And in all fairness to your statement of me sleeping with any woman who will give it up I did sleep with most of the women that approached me. For the record... I only cheated on one person I was in a relationship with. I was very young!! I cheated on her 3 different girls though. With her sister many times, With her best friend twice, and with another close friend about 20 or so times. From the time I joined the Army till this day I haven't cheated on anyone. For those of you that I have been in a relationship with before I joined the army I bet you are wondering if it was you. Well jokes on you. All the girls I went steady with before I joined the Army had a sister or sisters. so :P Another shocking fact is.... The only three way I was ever part of was initiated by two very close female friends of mine who thought I would be a safe person to experiment with. They waited till I was on my way back from the showers to my room and jumped me. YEAH!!!! Every mans dream!!!! It was ok but it was also weird cause they were my friends. But hey, who am I to disappoint all my fans and deny myself a chance to live the dream!! Angela, Gail, I still love you two!!! LMAO How embarrassing huh? |
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OK that was my revenge for my treatment yesterday. Quite a bit to process huh? Bet you never dreamed your little brother, uncle, son, best friend, neighbor, casual acquaintance had such a sordid life huh? Isn't it always the quiet ones? You know me though... I never raise up and voice my opinion!! LMAO HA! There is a good side to all of this for anyone who ever gets involved with me as I cruise into my middle years. Yes there is a lot from my past that you have to live up to but if I am with you at least you know I will not cheat on you (Unless Angelina or Ashley come a knocking) and that I am with you and you must be special, to me at least. Oh yea! If we meet a girl named Gina Forget it, I will not even remember your name. If we ever come across a white girl named Robin you better staple yourself to me! And more important if we come across a woman named Puanani you better not let me out of your site cause she was my first love and till this day think about her every day. If we come across Cecilia I do not think you have anything to worry about cause she hates me and wishes I was dead! For the record both of the casual friends
that were part of the altercation yesterday contacted me. Both feel they
may have over reacted..... You THINK? I feel like such a piece of
meat..... Don't worry I will not publish your names but..... You didn't
think you would DIS me and get away with it that easily did you....
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! |
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Quote Of The Day: Don't piss me off! XXXOOOSSS Rob
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